Dear Graduate Schools,
Please understand that I realize that you are some of the better schools in the country, and that the odds of getting accepted into just one of you are stacked well against me. Trust me, I feel keenly your ivory tower superiority over us mere mortals! In fact, I was just thinking about it today, feeling overwhelmed, when a thought occurred to me: what if I asked really, really nicely? So, graduate schools, I aim to do just that.
Please accept me into your program. I promise I'll work very hard. I will be careful not to assume authorial intent and to cultivate negative culpability. I will strive to publish and read papers in all the good journals and at all the good conferences, and once my dissertation is through I will try my very hardest to achieve a tenure-track position at one of the best schools, a school you will be proud to list on your "Graduate Achievements" web page. But first you need to let me in.
Haylie Swenson Dewey
P.S. Catalog card generator here.